All the Bushland folk had gathered in a secret woodland glade.
A sward of green well hidden in the thicket,
And the topic of discussion was a game that humans played
With bats, and balls and stumps - they called it ‘Cricket’!

Kookaburra told the others how he’d watched a cricket-match
From a vantage point above the SCG.
How they bowled and how they batted while others tried to catch,
Against other humans from across the sea.

He explained the Game in detail and expounded all the Laws,
Till all present by the Cricket Bug were bitten.
Then he loudly recommended – amid thunderous applause –
That a Wildlife Test be played against Great Britain!

Wedgetail Eagle was requested to fly north that self-same day
With a message for the English Woodland Dwellers,
The Bushlanders of Australia were inviting them to play
A Wildlife Test Match - "How’s about it, fellers?"

Well, the challenge was accepted, but it cannot be divulged
Just how the Woodland creatures reached Australia.
But I heard over the grapevine of a sack that squirmed and bulged
Being smuggled off a freighter by a sailior!

You can guess at the reception that those Visitors received,
After all the carefully-sniffing introductions,
Though when Kangaroo met Bulldog, it was easily perceived
That when the match got started there’d be ructions!

Soon the dawning sun was rising on that grand auspicious day
And the crowd began to gather round the clearing.
In trees, on rocks, ‘neath bushes they perched or sat or lay,
Whilst on the Hill, galahs were wildly cheering!

Then the Captains met together and the Bushfolk won the toss
(For a coin they used a baby long-necked turtle!)
So ‘Roo put in the Woodlanders to bat the first, because
The wicket was still moist and rather fertile.

The opening bat for England was the Badger, while the Mole
His partner, peered short-sighted, down the wicket
As the wild Tasmanian Devil hurtled down his run to bowl
A bouncer - that was greeted by a quick hit!

For the Badger thrived on pace, and like famous Doctor Grace,
Could dispatch the balls like bullets from a gun.
So he sought the six or four, but the single he’d ignore
For the one thing Badger couldn’t do was RUN!

When ‘twas Mole to face the bowling – he could hardly see a thing –
But what he lacked in sight he gained in hearing,
So when Goanna sent the ball down, he judged it by its "zing"
And blindly swiped the ball out of the clearing!

Then the Woodlanders went wild and the Bulldog proudly smiled
At the way his chaps were building up the score.
And in a token of goodwill, all the galahs upon the Hill
Saluted Mole and Badger with a roar!

They withstood the first few overs, but alas, it couldn’t last,
And as Badger drove a wrong ‘un to mid-on,
A nimble-fingered Possum grabbed the ball as it flew past
And the Badger went at thirty-six for one.

Well the Bushfolk cheered and raved and the Bushland flags were waved
As the downcast Badger sadly left the scene.
but their jubilation waned and some composure was regained
When Squirrel boldly marched on to the green.

As the bushy-tailed new batsman bravely took up his position,
Platypus, the wicket-keeper disapproved
To Umpire Kookaburra that the tail obscured his vision
And that, therefore, it should forthwith be removed!

Now, to mystify the mole, ‘Roo brought Koala in to bowl,
For he could send a ball down slow and sure.
But Mole, with nose a-twitch, SMELLED it coming down the pitch
And he timed it to perfection for a four!

And when the Mole had fallen – (as fall all batsmen must) –
The Bulldog, with a scowl of disapproval,
Then marched into the arena, with its heat and flies and dust,
Conditions NOT encountered at the Oval!

But the Devil he must face who, with wild and frenzied pace,
Raced toward him with a vicious snarling sound,
And sent down a ball whose flight close approached the speed of light,
But the bulldog snicked it clear out of the ground!

It was ninety-nine for two and the Squirrel murmured "Phew!
I’d give anything to gargle down a chilly ‘un!"
Then Koala bowled one hard that went underneath his guard
And he trotted (much relieved) to the Pavilion!

Now the Toad came to the crease, and with calm; unruffled ease,
He proceeded to score runs off every ball!
Though the crowd with glee did twitch as he hopped along the pitch,
Still everybody loved him –warts and all!

Well, the bulldog stood his ground and he slashed ’em all around,
Scoring fours and sixes every ball he hit,
And the Bushfolk were dismayed at the mighty way he played.
A grand display of good old British Grit!

The Toad was next to go, when he hopped a shade too slow
And the Frilly Lizard fielder ran him out.
Then poor Duck was quickly gone (Yes! That’s right! He went for NONE!)
And the crowd up on the hill began to shout!

Then the Weasel joined Bulldog and chalked up a useful score,
Even though he took some rather nasty bangs!)
Until he out lashed out to thump a rising Tassie Devil bumper
And the Dingo caught the ball between his fangs!

By this time, the Woodland score stood at six for three-oh-four,
And the Umpire Kookaburra shouted "Lunch!"
All the Bushfolk standing near gave the Visitors a cheer,
Cause they really were bloomin’ plucky bunch!

------Lunch ------

When the tucker was consumed and Play was once again resumed
It was Fox who now joined Bulldog on the pitch.
He looked so smart and debonair - with is coat of russet hair
And his finely chiselled nostrils all a-twitch!

Now ‘Roo brought back the Possum who could bowl a wicked swing,
But the Fox already had his stroke well planned,
And he drove it to the Snake who completely failed to take
The catch - because he couldn’t raise a hand!

Yes, Fox lived up to his name and played a really cunning game,
But, at length, he was eventually caught,
When with a tad just too much flair, he skyed one high into the air
And Flying Fox flapped up and stopped it short!

But they couldn’t budge the Bulldog, who hung on tenaciously
And slogged stolidly at everything they sent
With a lusty zeal and fire pushing the runs up ever higher,
Whilst The Rabbit and the Otter came and went.

Now out came the last man, Hare, who "wasn’t quite all there"
And the Bushfolk thought he’d give ‘em lots of fun,
But although his strokes were poor, every clout was still worth four,
"Cause there’s one thing Hares CAN do - and that is RUN!

But the Bulldog now was tiring and his strength was failing fast,
For he couldn’t run to keep up with the Hare.
And after several snick hits, he got trapped between the wickets
And the Keeper took the bails off fair and square.

The applause was long and great! ALL OUT FOR SIX-NINE-EIGHT!
And they cheered the weary Bulldog, tired and sore.
They all shook him by the paw, and declared they never saw
A Pommie who could bat like him before!

It was getting fairly late, so the Umpire said, "We’ll wait
Until tomorrow for the Bushfolks’ innings.
So let’s be back here by ten, and resume the match again,
And we’ll maybe know by tea who gets the Winnings!"

Well, next day, after the dawning of a cool and sunny morning
The spectators were already crowding in.
(Many stayed there overnight, being too afraid they might
Lose their possies and not see the Aussies win!)

Koalas thronged the trees, and swayed gently in the breeze.
There were possums too, and parakeets in flocks.
Down below upon the ground, ‘roos and wallabies lay round,
And snakes and lizards sprawled among the rocks.

There was twittering and squawking and - yes - even hissing too,
As the Bushland Folk discussed the coming fray,
But their chatter turned to cheering when the big red kangaroo
Shouted "Here’s the fellers, folks! Hip, Hip, Hooray!"

Then out the two teams came, to resume their deadly game
Beneath the Kookaburra’s supervision,
And the crowd clapped wings and paws in deafening applause
As the ‘Roo hopped boldly out to his position!

‘Roo’s partner was the Flying Fox - a much-experienced Bat,
Who, as one might well guess, could "hang about"!
And though inclined to flap a bit, could knock the fielders flat
With his rather dangerous, hooking sort of clout.

The Mole was first to bowl, and it really was quite droll
To watch his slow and fumble-footed tread,
And then to see the "ball" wasn’t really one at all –-
He’d gone and bowled the Hedgehog down, instead!

"No Ball!" the umpire cried. Then he also gave a "Wide",
For the Hedgehog had uncurled and crept away,
And the ‘Roo just stood and smiled as the Bushland Folk went wild
With laughter at such funny opening play!

But the Mole regained his poise, and, guided by the noise,
And the smell of ‘Roo’s outsize and sweaty feet,
Sent down a ball so tight that it gave the ‘Roo a fright,
For it very very nearly had him beat!

Then the ‘Roo, now on his guard, began to hit them really hard.
A four, another four – and then a six!
Till Mole bowled a dead slow ball which did little more than crawl
Beneath his bat and gently tapped the sticks!

Well! The ‘Roo was horrified, but it couldn’t be denied,
For the Umpire, Kookaburra, gave him "OUT!"
Then fell a silence quite profound as he slowly left the ground,
With teardrops coursing sadly down his snout.

But the "man" who took his place was of a very different race –
‘Twas Platypus, renowned for skill and pluck.
And he played Mole’s final ball without any qualms at all –
No way would he be billed "Out for a Duck!"

Thus, at fourteen runs for one and the Bushland skipper gone,
The Flying Fox had Badger now to face,
Who though ponderous of gait, could lend the ball some weight
And could bowl it at a terrifying pace!

But the Fruit Bat didn’t flinch and he didn’t give an inch,
And he scored off every ball the Badger bowled
Though they whizzed about his ears, he showed no qualms or fears,
Till a bouncer hit his head and knocked him cold.

Then the bushland dwellers booed, and they really got quite rude,
While the Badger hung his head in deep disgrace.
Till the wise Umpire decreed ( and the skippers both agreed)
That another "bat" could take the fruit bat’s place.

When the hubbub had died down, Tassie Devil, with a frown,
Marched to the crease – his temper clearly vile,
And with an angry roar, he hit a six and then a four,
With a snarl of fiendish fury on his dial!

With that over now completed (and the game a little heated!)
The Kookaburra signalled time for "Drinks"
They retreated to the shade to imbibe iced lemonade
And (in the case of Mole,) snatch forty winks!

But when play again resumed, poor old Platypus was doomed –
He just couldn’t take a trick with Mole at all.
For although Mole’s sight was poor, His line and length were sure
And the Platypus was gone by second ball!

Thus at twenty four for two, it was the Frilly Lizard who
Next took up his position at the crease,
And he clearly understood that he’d have to "wield the Wood"
With a fair amount of skill and elbow-grease!

He’d observed the Mole’s technique and he knew his sight was weak,
So he spread his frill out like a scaly tent.
And it cast a shadow, which so obscured the blooming pitch
That the Mole was forced to bowl him just by scent!

Then the Lizard went to work and he drove the crowd berserk
For he scored a six off every blinking ball!
And by the over’s end, poor old Mole was round the bend –
Not to mention halfway up the blooming wall!

So, with sixty on the board, the Tassie Devil could afford
To taunt the Badger with some fiendish fun.
And he used the Badger’s might to deflect them left and right
And thus began to pile up run on run.

Then this ill-assorted pair formed a partnership quite rare
And, between them, totted up a handsome score,
Till at two for eighty-one, the lizard’s dash was done
When the Badger got him clearly "Frill Before!"

Well, the Wombat next came out – and he could really clout!
So the Bulldog put the Weasel on to bowl
For he bounced them nice and high - just the sort of ball to "sky"-
In every way the very opposite of Mole.

Well, old Wombat, slow and fat, just stood chopping with his bat
(And he really made a shambles of the crease!)
But he never failed at all to score off every rising ball,
And he frightened all the birds out of the trees!

TheTassie Devil came undone calling Wombat through to run
After sweeping Badger’s ball past second slip,
For he galloped up the pitch - but the Wombat didn’t flitch
So for him it was a strictly one-way trip!

Thus at four for 338, things weren’t looking all that great,
So the ‘Roo sent in the Possum next to bat,
For although he couldn’t hit he could "Tip and Run" a bit
And he seemed to have nine lives, just like a cat!

This was very soon revealed when the Woodlanders appealed
For a blatant "Leg Before" - and got turned down.
Then a deadly-aimed slow ball failed to cause the bails to fall,
And the Badger stood and muttered with a frown.

"I‘ll have you, mate!" he thought, as he bowled the next one short
And the Possum spooned it high into the air.
But the fielders, Frog and Toad, jumped right in each others’ road,
So they missed the catch completely. How unfair!

Thus the Possum with great pluck – and a measure of good luck!
Began to drive the Badger round the bend,
Building up a handsome score with a useful thirty-four –-
Till the Weasel got him, at the other end!

Then the Goanna next came out - but he didn’t hang about,
And crawled back to the pavilion with a "Duck",
Then the Emu went for four – He was out "Both Legs Before!"
Were the Bushland players running out of luck?

Three-seven-six for eight! Things were looking desperate
As the Wallaby strode out from the pavilion,
Needing three-two-three to win, the chances now were thin –
In fact the odds must be one in a million!

But a game’s not lost or won till you’ve made the final run,
And the Bushland folk were not the losing kind!
Dear old Wombat, still not out, never had a moment’s doubt,
The though of losing never crossed his mind!

So the Wallaby took heart and now began to play his part.
Their partnership soon blossomed handsomely,
By "Lunch" they’d struck it rich, bounding up and down the pitch,
Till the Wombat had notched up his CENTURY!

Then for lunch they all adjourned, for the noon sun fiercely burned,
And the Woodland fielders wilted in its heat.
Whilst the Bulldog, hot and tired, totted up the runs required,
As he sipped his lemonade so cool and sweet!

Just one-seven-four to win! And this pair were digging in!
"Now how can we turf ‘em out?" he quietly mused.
"I will have to use some cunning if I’m goin’ to stop ‘em running…
Then a bowler came to mind he hadn’t used!

So when play resumed again’ midst the loudly-sung refrain –
"Advance All Fauna Fair" from trees and rocks,
Who should stroll out on the pitch with his bushy tail a-twitch
But that fiendish clever cunning bowler, FOX!

Well, there fell a deadly hush on the creatures from the bush,
As the Fox came trotting gently to his crease,
And he nimbly tweaked the ball - with hardly any pace at all,
And dismissed the wallaby with practised ease!

Amidst applause and cheers, with his large and fluffy ears
And his cap-peak resting on his bulbous snout,
Giving shade to beady eyes that were wonderfully wise,
The Koala as the next man in, came out.

He had to face the Mole, who had been brought on to bowl
And Mole really turned on quite an exhibition,
When, to Koala’s great alarm, he bowled him underarm,
(After asking for the Umpire’s kind permission!)

But Koala’s commonsense leapt at once to his defence
As the ball came rolling swiftly by his feet,
And he very swiftly found if he swiped along the ground
That he had the slips and gully fielders beat!

Then the runs began to flow, and old Wombat had a go
At trying to outsmart the crafty Fox,
By altering his stance and he led him quite a dance
And he managed to get in some useful knocks.

Till at nine for six-eight-oh, with just nineteen runs to go,
The Fox bowled Wombat cleanly with a yorker,
And although he’d been outwitted, Wombat ruefully admitted
That the ball that got him out had been a corker!

And as he disappeared, all the Bushfolk stood and cheered,
‘Cause he’d been out there since 2 for 280!
Then they gave another shout as the Anteater came out –
(You’d have thought that they were welcoming the Don!)

Well, Echidna was the last, so the die would soon be cast -
Could Echidna and Koala do the trick?
Or would the Mole and Fox pull something from the box?
The tension was enough to make you sick!

Now Echidna faced the Mole… It was a sight so very droll
As they peered at one another down the pitch.
Then came a cry unkind that "The blind shall lead the blind,
And both of them shall fall into the ditch!"

The Mole bowled straight and true, and, as the swift ball flew,
Echidna’s long tongue shot out like a lance
And stopped it in mid-air, while he whacked it fair and square.
A lovely four that made the Bushfolk dance!

There were cries of "Tongue Before!" but the umpire wasn’t sure
So he didn’t budge, and let the play go on.
Then, Echidna, just by chance, struck a very fine leg-glance
And quickly called Koala through for one!

Then the Mole attempted spin, which made everybody grin
For he spun the ball and spun himself around
And tumbled on his face - whilst Koala with much grace,
Despatched the ball for SIX out of the ground!

So, with only eight to go, the strain began to show,
And Badger began to bowl erratically.
Then Koala skyed a ball, but the Weasel let it fall
And they made two extra runs so weasely!

Now Echidna faced the Fox – and he trembled in his socks,
And icy shivers ran through every spine!
As he waited that dread ball which would surely end it all –
For the Fox had foxed the finest of the fine!

Then the Fox commenced his run, silhouetted by the sun –
In for the Kill he came - no time for tricks!
But just as clear against the light, Echidna saw the ball in flight
And he swung his bat to crack it hard for SIX!

Well, the Bushfolk all went wild as Echidna blinked and smiled,
And Koala slapped his back (and hurt his hand!)
Then the players formed a "chair" and hiked him up into the air
And carried him in triumph to the stand!

The whole Woodlanders’ crew then showed their goodwill, too,
And shook the brave anteater by the claw.
They displayed their high esteem for that tiny monotreme,
The likes of whom they’d never seen before!

The ’Roo then took the floor amidst a mighty, thunderous roar
From all the Bushland dwellers in the stand,
And he praised the Pommie side for the way they’d really tried,
And how the match had turned out really grand!

In the golden sunset light - all aglow with Friendship bright,
They stood and sang "Advance All Fauna Fair",
And in that final scene they also sang "God Save The Queen".
(If only we such noble sentiments could share!)

I don’t know if they ever played a cricket match again,
Although it would be nice to think they tried.
And here’s a thought to share! There’s an anteater out there
Who wears his little cricket cap with pride!

Gerry Forster