Oh, I’ve climbed the rugged Coracles in far-off Balalaika
And, down in ancient Celsius, I’ve eaten salonika.
Across the mighty Platypus I’ve paddled my embargo
And spent the night carousing with a crate of Handel’s Largo!
Whilst around me, in the underfelt, I heard the steathy mango
Stalking gentle-eyed sahara as they grazed upon the tango.
The wild and warlike Wigwams in their frozen wastes I’ve
known,
And I’ve heard them chant the Kapok in a haka built of stone.
I’ve fought the vicious Mangroves with a typhoon made of
steel,
And in their marble Kilogram I‘ve seen the Khamsins kneel.
Up the Taj Mahal I’ve clambered and conquered it with pride,
And I’ve hunted himalayas with my bangkok by my side.
I’ve braved the storm-tossed Tundra in a leaking byzantine
And seen the wheeling caucasus swoop low across the brine.
I’ve had hallucinations after drinking too much Nile,
And I’ve roared across the guano in an open Calomile.
I’ve been bitten by the shishkabob in Iceland’s jungles dank,
And helped to stage a hold-up in the wealthy Dogger Bank
Fleet-foot antipodes I’ve chased and captured them with glee,
Then ate them cooked in cocos oil beneath a lava tree.
With Angkor Wat I’ve wined and dined, and left a good
impression
Then lived on lambskin soup all through the Qattara
Depression.
I’ve rowed the Kalahari in an old barbed-wire canoe,
And in the hot Tibetan swamps I’ve fished for kangaroo.
I’ve swum the Hindu Kush with one arm tied behind my back,
And I’ve mushed a team of huskies down the snowbound
Birdsville Track.
From the summit of Zambezi I have watched the polar dawn,
And with a file and sandpaper I’ve rounded old Cape Horn.
I’ve swabbed the Steppes of Russia with a worn out mop and
pail,
And hung the Hook of Holland on a rusty six-inch nail.
With Matto Grosso at my side, I’ve hunted sphinx by night,
And just missed catching rabies from the Great Australian
Bight!
I’ve lain with raging fever through a bout of Kuala Lumpur
And I’ve ridden on a capricorn in thongs and woolly jumper.
Oh, I’ve whitewashed the Equator, and I’ve varnished the North
Pole,
And from the dusty Kuril Trench I’ve excavated coal!
I carried out all these wondrous feats in stocking feet and
hatless,
Just sitting in my armchair, armed with dictionary and atlas!
Gerry Forster
